Story Time: My (EX) boyfriend peed on me!

To be honest with you guys, I love telling stories (no they aren't fake), so I thought since I haven't told a funny story of my past recently, I'd share one today!

Grab something delicious to snack on and a cuddly warm - or cold, no judgement - beverage to slurp down and let's get into today's story time.

This happened about 7 years ago with an ex of mine. We will call him "Julio". 

I met Julio through some mutual friends one night at a very small house party. We will call them "Lilly" and "Andy". 

When I first saw him, we were at Lilly's house for the party,and I immediately wanted to know who the hot guy was that showed up all alone. Of course I had to get "references" from my friends and after everything checked out, we started talking. 

Fast forward about a month. 

We hadn't officially started dating, but we were talking like crazy. Texts, phone calls, and hanging out almost every day. Eventually he asked me to be his girlfriend and I was really excited, because we had so much in common. Quickly after becoming his official girlfriend though, he started to change. Little things here and there were starting to agitate me and made me question whether or not I really wanted to be with him anymore. 

After a really bad argument we had, I didn't talk to him for a few days. He then apologized - which was a little out of the ordinary - and said that he wanted to take me out to my favorite restaurant that following Friday to make it up to me. I was hesitant, but ended up agreeing to go, falling for the crap again. I know, I know. Horrible cycle. Don't worry, he's an ex for a reason.

We set aside this specific night to be together and go out. Julio even had made a reservation at one of my favorite dining places near the beach. While I was getting ready, I got a text saying he had to stay late at work and had to cancel the date. I was really bummed - especially because he was supposed to ask for the morning shift specially for this date - but I figured since I hadn't started my makeup, I could still go hang with Lilly and Andy at Lilly's house. 

After about two hours, I got a text from Julio saying he was done and asked what I was doing. I told him where I was and Lilly pipped in and said Julio could join us. We were playing drinking games and just being funny on the Wii. Julio said he'd be right over.

Now, Lilly already told me I could stay the night at her house, because I didn't want to drink and drive. She also said Andy (who is gay) could stay on the couch and Julio could sleep in the guest bed with me, if he wanted to drink too.

Within a few moments Julio arrived and seemed really agitated about something at work. We told him no work talk. It was time to wind down and relax. Seeing as how it was a Friday and no one had to work the next day, we were all very excited to just be with friends. 

I should mention now that I've always had a high tolerance for alcohol. I'm not bragging in ANY way, but it was just a well-known thing amongst my friends. Which is why no one ever tried to keep up with me. Although, no one ever really cared either. We all just drank to our own content and didn't worry about anyone else, seeing as how we were all staying and would be safe. Julio however, didn't like to be behind. He was a little bit of a "show off" and it was a huge thing I hated. I honestly avoided putting him in situations where he'd would have the opportunity to act like an ass, but I also wasn't his mother, so I didn't deal with it. 

So when Julio arrived and realized I was buzzed along with everyone else, he grabbed the bottle we all pitched in to buy. He immediately turned to me and said, "how much did you drink?". I'll be honest with you guys, I used to catch an attitude when I was drinking, because I didn't appreciate jerks or people trying to act condescending towards me. The way he asked me immediately made me feel like he was trying to scold me, which didn't put a smile on my face.

Andy decided to giggle and say, "the bottle was full when she grabbed it". Mind you, the bottle was about half way gone and we all had shots and mixed drinks from it. Well, Julio took it upon himself to chug - not sip - chug the bottle, to show off. The tension in the room got so thick, you could feel the looks everyone was giving him.

He showed up late, he didn't bring anything, he didn't pitch in, and he was acting pompous. Everyone, even me, scoffed and told him to pitch in for the tab then. 

With a disgusting burp, he threw a few bills on the table and said, "Whatever, I don't care." 

After a few moments, Lilly decided we should just keep playing games with the beer we had and ignore the asshole in the room. Fine by me. 

With a couple rounds of games and silly jokes, we realized it was really quiet. We looked over at Julio on the couch, who had stomped off and pouted for loosing a game a few rounds earlier and saw that he was passed out. We all laughed and we're thankful his night was done.

A couple more beers and conversation and everyone decided to call it a night. We weren't drunk, but we were more than buzzed, that's for sure. Andy agreed to help me plop Julio into the guest bed, because Andy was sleeping on the couch. Lilly knew I was livid at his actions throughout the night, so she offered for me to leave him in the guest bedroom and I could sleep with her in her bed. I immediately said, "heck yes", because I didn't want to wake up to his face. 

Andy and I got Julio onto the bed in the guest bed, while Lilly made her way to the back bedroom - her room. Once we had Julio seated on the edge, I told Andy I could handle the rest. I was just going to remove his dress shirt and his shoes, then roll him over and cover him. 

While I began taking off his dress shirt, he semi-woke up, sat up, laughed, and grabbed me around the waist, pushing my arms inwards towards my chest as he pulled me in for a kiss. I squirmed and told him, "get off of me", which is when he proceeded to fall backwards onto the bed, spinning me underneath him in the process. As soon as he was on top, he mumbled and slurred something, then passed right back out. 

I wasn't too concerned, as I could e called for help and surely been rescued, but he was knocked out again and I just needed to push him off of me. I was 

Not my strongest, he was heavy, but k was slowly inching him off of me. The thing was, I didn't want to push him off the bed, because right next to it was a very sharp dresser, that he could've hit his head on. 

While I was squirming away, I began feeling this very wet, warm feeling near my stomach. I have never sobered up faster than this moment. I regained my strength, flip him off of me, pushed him up the bed to where he wouldn't fall off, and saw the disgusting truth I so desperately hoped wasn't real. 

Julio's sweats - which he put on when he arrived - were soaking wet and now so was I. It was as if this guy had Niagara Falls in his bladder and just pushed it all out with force in that one moment. The smell was horrible and I was drenched. I flung his legs onto the bed, shut the door, and made my way to Lilly's room hoping she was still awake. 

Luckily she was taking out her contacts and brushing her teeth, when she heard the door opened and said, "What is that smell?!?!". She peaked around her bathroom corner and saw me drenched with a very angry face on. I briefly explained what happened and she ever so graciously whipped out a clean towel and a pair of clean pajamas I could borrow. I threw my clothes into a trash bag, jumped in the shower, and tried to forget the horror that had happened to one of my favorite shirts. 

The next day everyone woke up around 10-ish craving breakfast, except for pee pants. We tried to wake him up - albeit not very good - ultimately deciding on just leaving him a note. 

At breakfast I told Andy about what happened and said that I was done with Julio and his behavior. A few moments later Julio called and said he'd gone home to shower, because we left him there and he smelled horrible. He kept asking me what we did to him to make him smell so bad. When I told him that he peed on me, he hung up. I texted him back immediately after saying, "please forget my number, I'm done." 

Some may say its harsh, but really this wasn't the first bad thing to happen. I have a few stories about this short lived relationship, to where you'd understand that this incident was just e straw that broke the camels back. If you guys want to hear them, just let me know and I will surely do a Julio Part 2 story. 

Needless to say, I bought a new favorite shirt and we never invited him to hang out again. I believe he went on to date an ex of his and he got fired from his job for showing up drunk. I know because Andy was his manager. 

Well there you have it guys! If you enjoyed this story time let me know in the comments or on social media and I can surely do more! I have tons of stories about ex's, friends, being robbed - twice, and I even stopped a knife fight once! Love you guys!!!