A to Z Food Challenge: A

On Wednesday I posted about how I would no longer be doing the anxiety challenges due to personal health issues. In place of trying to push myself to much, I've decided to input a positive (and delicious) "challenge". The A to Z cooking/food challenge. Now, this isn't a new challenge as I have seen/heard other bloggers do this. Mine however will be a bit different. Seeing as how my son is a bit picky, I've decided to do this with dinners I absolutely love. Whether it be homemade or store bought, will differ. I don't want to search through cookbooks struggling to create a dish that may or may not be delicious. While this IS a challenge, I want to use this as a chance to help other people find new and savory dishes for their kids/families. I'll also be doing a few "reviews" throughout. So without further ado, let's get to the first item(s) of the challenge!

As you guys may have noticed, I'm a Trader Joe's fan. No I'm not professionally affiliated with them, nor do they even know I exist, but I do genuinely love their food (and products). Today is no different. 

We took a trip to our local Trader Joe's for our Friday dinner. After grabbing samples, my son and I began walking down the frozen food section. I was already in the market for some type of pizza (I've tried a few different ones with amazing results), when I saw the Arugula Pizza for $3.99. I've always been a huge fan of arugula, but I've never tried it on pizza. I was thoroughly intrigued. It has cherry tomatoes, mozzarella, manchego, provolone, pecorino cheese, and of course arugula. 

We also picked up some of our usual favorites (that also happen to start with 'A'): 
Apples - literally all their apples are amazing, so we buy them in bulk and go through them like you wouldn't believe. 
Apple Juice - some of the freshest I've ever had, in my opinion. My son won't drink certain ones because "it tastes fake". What have I created???
Spinach Artichoke dip - yes technically it starts with an 'S', but the artichoke part is just as amazing! Makes a great dip for chips, an appetizer mixed with chicken, or just by itself! This is actually my 4 year old son's favorite!

After cooking our newest discovery, I questioned whether or not my son would actually eat it. He's never like arugula, so if he actually devours the pizza, it's a total win all around. Well guess what people? HE ATE HALF THE PIZZA!!! Granted I had to take the tomatoes off of his slices, because he's not a fan of tomatoes. I also had to remove a few tomatoes from my slices, as they were a bit overwhelming. A little too sweet for my taste as well. I would've loved fire roasted tomatoes, but I knew what I was buying. I will say this, it was absolutely delicious and definitely will be re-purchased in this household! 

With this particular pizza, it's led me to believe that maybe I don't have to knock out all the foods my son hates. Maybe I just need to try creative options with more over-powering flavors, in order to show him that those foods aren't "nasty". He was just as shocked as I was when he took his first bite. 

We paired our pizza with the apple juice we purchased, which was excellent, but this pizza would go with anything. If you're a wine drinker, this would be a perfect pizza for two during a late night. If you enjoy coke and pizza, this arugula pizza would be awesome for a night in with Netflix. It's a healthy option for dinner or lunch. My son said he couldn't taste the arugula, so maybe this would be a different option for you parents to try with your kids. Who knows, maybe it will be a new favorite for your family too!

HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT?! On Monday (May 2nd, 2016), I will be announcing an amazing giveaway with beautiful products! Be sure to check out my blog and Instagram, where I will be letting everyone know the details! Until then, have a wonderful weekend you beautiful people.

How setting yearly vacation goals, actually help you save money!!!

In prior posts, I've written different ways on how to save money here and there. Being that I'm not a very materialistic person, I don't own a bunch of things nor do I struggle with walking out of Target having spent more than I initially intended to...anymore. Instead of craving "things", I crave the creation of memories through experience. I enjoy taking my son to vacations - big or small - instead of going out to purchase a new toy that will inevitably be donated to our local Goodwill. 

Initially when I started to embark on my money saving journey, I didn't necessarily know what I was saving for. Which ultimately led me to spend our savings on frivolous things, making the savings pointless. After buckling down and deciding not to spend the money on anything, I began wondering what all my hard work would lead to. On new years eve 2014, I decided to sit down and begin a "2015 Goals" list. A list where I could write down activities, places, and events that I wanted my son and I to partake in. A list filled with high priced memories. A list that would give me greater motivation to save for a big ticket item. 

After an entire year of going off of my "Goals" list, I realized that not only was I saving even more money throughout the year, but adding an actual purpose to the entire thing made me want to work even harder. During each vacation or activity, I decided to push my creative thinking. I wanted to save money on my vacations as well!

"Small World" at Disneyland

To give you a better understanding, I wanted to go to Disneyland with my son. So I saved more throughout the prior months than initially intended, by creatively thinking of alternatives. Instead of paper towels, I used a pack of $1 wash clothes. Simply rinse them off and let them air dry. Instead of buying juices or teas, I went on a "water only cleanse". Instead of purchasing new clothes from my monthly budget, I sold my son and I's old clothes, things I knew I didn't wear or that didn't fit him and riding of shoes, then using only that money for my sons brand new clothing. I ended up making $150 in clothing and spent $75 on an entirely new wardrobe/shoes for my son, by using coupons and only hitting up sales. (He'd hit a growth spurt so almost everything had to be replaced. PJ's, undies, socks, clothes, shoes). The week before our Disneyland trip, I made a point to extend our money saving techniques to the vacation by doing some research. 

I knew we would be staying at a hotel, so I had to choose between staying at a hotel that was close enough to walk to Disneyland (but I'd have to pay for hotel parking), a hotel that had a free shuttle (still had to pay for hotel parking), or a hotel that I would just drive my own car to Disneyland (and pay the Disneyland parking), then drive back to the hotel. I found that booking a room at a cheaper hotel that offered free parking and only paying for Disneyland parking, was actually the cheapest option. It ended up saving me around $100 by not choosing the "conveniences". I also packed our own snacks and small lunch. My son has a severe peanut allergy, so I always do this regardless. I still planned - and did - purchasing a lunch or dinner at Disneyland, being that it IS delicious, but I wanted to spend our money (and time) on memorabilia, not food. I ended up only buying a $22 meal and dessert for us, which left us with leftovers! I budgeted $50 so I was beyond thrilled to have saved $28! I also budgeted $100 on "Disneyland exclusive" items. Ahead of time I expressed to my son that while he could buy a few special items, we were only going to purchase things he not only loved, but those that he couldn't purchase at the regular Disney store down the street. After all, I didn't drive 2 hours to buy a toy I could find at the mall down the street from our house. We ended up only spending $75! With the additional $25 savings, we left Disneyland with smiles and a total of $153 savings, that can be used for the next trip! 

Solvang, CA

Having the idea of going on another trip, is exactly why I pushed myself harder to save more money, even when on vacation. I truly think that if I didn't have a "Goals" list, I would've just spent the total budget as it wouldn't have effected my living expenses budget. Instead, I was able to save up and take my son for an awesome weekend trip, another item on our "Goals" list, with that added savings! Again, I applied my savings technique. 

Once you begin finding new and useful ways to save money, you'll notice a giant snowball effect. You'll begin questioning whether or not you're buying something because you're bored, or because you ACTUALLY need it. You'll also start to find out what is really a necessity. 

The number one way to save money is simply research. Don't run to the first option. A few examples:

1. With so many big stores offering price match, you can save money by also applying coupons WITH your cheaper price match. Target price matches Amazon, so if that book you've been dying to read? Check it out on Amazon. Is it $8 instead of $16? (most likely yes). Let guest services change that for you! 

2. You don't HAVE to purchase paper towels and/or napkins. You don't have to impress anyone. I went out and bought a few $1 packs of wash clothes. Some that I didn't care whether or not would be stained. We'd use half for wiping hands/face during eating time and half for wiping down the counters. At the end of the day I'd simply fill up one side of the sink half way, add a little laundry soap, and put all the wash clothes in for a soak. After our nighttime routine, I simply rinse and ring out each one, laying them out to dry on our drying rack. The next morning, freshly cleaned wash clothes. Buy enough, and you'll only have to wash them when you do laundry. You will also be reducing your waste!

3. Want to go to a theme park? Do some research and look up when/where you can purchase tickets for additional savings. The Del Mar Fair is coming to our town in June, but instead of going to the ticket booth on the day of to pay for entrance, I can go to Costco and purchase a bundle (saving me tons of money on food, rides, and more), or pre-purchase my admission tickets at Vons/Albertsons for a cheaper fee. Don't go unprepared and overpriced!

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter

This year I created a new list of "2016 Goals" and I plan to roll over my savings from last year into this years funds. We've already been able to cross of "Mini Hotel Vacation" and "Road trip". With so many other exciting travels awaiting us, I'm excited to see where this year takes us! I've included checking out Solvang, CA (a hotel in the heart of Downtown Solvang is only $70!), Disneyland for the holidays (Christmas time with Star Wars? YES PLEASE!), Universal Studios (I'm coming Harry!!!), and of course St. Helens, OR during a weekend in October to experience Halloweentown! 

We are so close to the Universal Studios trip, I can almost taste the butterbear. I will admit this particular trip may be a little hard to save while experiencing, as I will be wanting to purchase every single Harry Potter item not available in the normal muggle world! I will try nonetheless. 

Hopefully this will inspire all of you to rethink what is necessary, that sweater you saw at Forever 21 for $45, even though you already have 7 at home, or go experience a really amazing trip with a loved one or friend(s). After all, $45 is half way to an admission ticket to Universal Studios. You'd be half way to shaking hands with minions and getting your own wizard wand.

Final Anxiety Fear Challenge: Darkness.

Today I attempted to deal with a challenge I'd put off for my entire 20's. While I have gone outside with other people including my son, I've never gone outside by myself or just with my son after the sun has completely set. I have unrealistic thoughts and worries that overflow my noggin. It's frustrating, upsetting, complicated, and just down right annoying. Which is why I wanted to take on this challenge in particular. I wanted to shut up the pestering thoughts and show them I would be just fine after dark with my son!

My mind won this round.

My son and I had done a few errands, finishing off with some Ichiban sushi during happy hour - half priced sushi! I had decided to go home, eat, and prepare to take my son out for ice cream after the sun had fully set. No it isn't a HUGE outing, but for me it was a start. Now, I hadn't told my son about our potential ice cream date, because I knew this one would be extremely hard for me to tackle. I didn't want to let him down.

When the sky fully darkened and I realized it was the perfect time to set out, I panicked. I felt as if someone had taken a corset, placed it over my entire body, and tightened the strings ti'll I was only bones. I started to shake, sweat, stutter, and get really dizzy. My breathing quickened and I wanted nothing more than the elephant on my chest to get off. I was paralyzed. 

I calmly excused myself to the restroom, where I threw cold water on my face to calm down. I sat on the floor and started my grounding. While I knew I had to go forth and at least try to beat this, I just couldn't put my son at risk. If I was panicking this severely without even stepping foot outside, there was no way I could get my son into a car and comfortably drive him to the ice cream shop. 

We ended up finishing off the box of Trader Joe's chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches. My son was happy and I was happy the panicking subsided, but I wasn't happy about the defeat. I was kicking myself for not even being able to put my shoes on before an episode hit. 

I don't know if it was because I've had a rough few days, or if I was just really tired that the anxiety was overwhelming, or if I simply couldn't do it. I know one day I will and I know that I will force myself to try again until I can, but for today it's a loss.

I know you're probably thinking, "Seriously, you couldn't go outside to get ice cream just because it was dark?" Yes, seriously. 

Photo Found HERE.

Something you should know is that I have agoraphobia. Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder that includes an intense fear of not being able to get out of danger or have assistance available. Being outside alone is one of the fears pertaining to agoraphobia. My mind absolutely races with the thought of going out at all, but being alone with my son after dark is the one that often causes my heart to palpitate. 

Attempting this anxiety will be a huge goal of mine and I will of course talk about it on my blog, but I won't be doing a weekly challenge anymore. I was recently told that pushing myself is a healthy way to go about overcoming certain obstacles in my life, to not be so "stuck", but the idea of a weekly challenge isn't necessarily the way for me. I was starting to get more anxiety with the thought of having to constantly fight every week and it was putting a strain on my mental health. I was starting to have severe insomnia with an increase in panic attacks, simply because I was pushing myself too hard too fast. I will continue to try and have small triumphs whenever I can, but I can't do the severe ones all at once. The amount of "life" on my plate right now and the true severity of my anxiety, just doesn't allow for it. Not to worry though, I have a new challenge coming up soon that I think will be much better suited, as it's a fun challenge! An A-Z cooking challenge every Friday! I'm hoping it will give me a positive thing to look forward to each week and will give me an opportunity to be creative with the food choices! Especially since my son has a specific preference for certain items. 

Until tomorrow you beautiful people!

$2 DIY: 1 mirror 3 ways!!!

I have done everyone an injustice by not posting a DIY in a while, so in order to regain my title as an "everything blogger" and not just a "some stuff blogger", I've decided to post a quick and easy DIY! It's cheap and painless, but the best part is that you can work with these ideas to create your own beautiful art work to easily re-vamp any space in a jiffy!

I went to the infamous IKEA for our free kid's meal (buy and adult entree and get a free kids meal on Tuesdays!!!), when I saw these $2 Malma Mirrors. I recognized them to be a trio of mirrors I had in my storage unit. I had found them covered with bamboo, in a box labeled "FREE", on the sidewalk, a few years back and stuck them in a "DIY" basket I'd hidden away. I often store a couple items for whenever we have the urge to do some arts and crafts. I hadn't ventured into my basket recently, as I have other projects my son and I were working on, but when I saw the Malma Mirrors at IKEA, it hit me. I knew that I wanted to add the trio of mirrors to an empty wall I had in my bedroom, but with some added pizzazz. So I went home, grabbed the entire DIY basket from my storage, and got to work. 

After laying out all the materials I had, I knew I didn't want three identical mirrors, but something that would help represent who I am as a person. Especially because the empty wall I was looking to decorate was directly over my bed. My son helped me design the trio, which made the finished product even cooler.

For the first mirror I ripped off all the bamboo with a flat head screwdriver. I had to be careful, as the bamboo kept flinging off. To take precaution, I did this on the kitchen table away from my son. I proceed to grab my Mod Podge and found my gold glitter. After scraping off the remaining glue, I covered the entire mirror with Mod Podge and poured the gold glitter over everything. To keep the glitter from getting everywhere and falling off constantly, I sprayed a quick layer of hairspray to lock in all the shiny goodness. This tip works for any art project dealing with glitter. I made a few gold glitter reindeer signs for Christmas and the hairspray trick has kept them glittery gold for a few years now!

For the second mirror I chose not to rip off all the bamboo and simply paint over it a bright white. I then took a necklace with beautiful beads that my Abuela gave to me. The reason I never wore it, was because it's extremely delicate. So in order to preserve and display it's beautifully painted beads, I chose to glue them all down around the inner square and diagonally. (See picture). I think with the bamboo underneath, it gives it a cool 3D effect. You could easily do this on a flat mirror and add more beads. An easy fix to beautify anything really. You could easily add beads from an old necklace or a collection, to a vase, mirror, frame, dresser, or even a backpack! So many beads and so little time.

For the third and final mirror, I chose to simply put white string all over it in a random pattern. You could easily glue them down in a distinct pattern, giving it a woven effect, but for me I like the messy-ness of it. I thought the bamboo color and white string tied the other two together. Plus prying off the bamboo was extremely hard. Whoever owned these mirrors before really wanted that bamboo to stay on! Which is ironic in a way seeing as how they were

practically thrown away. Like I always say, one man's trash is this girls treasure! 

No, I don't dumpster dive, but if there is a box outside that says "FREE" or if there are items set aside for people to take, I will inspect and make a decision to either leave or take. I'm not ashamed at all, especially seeing as how I've practically furnished my entire apartment with almost all free stuff. It came out quite shnazzy if I do say so myself. Check out my blog post HERE on how I did it.

And there you have it! Three extremely simple ways to add your personal style to any mirror. You could use these ideas to create your own mirrors trio or re-vamp any piece of furniture that's in need of a little love! These beauties now hang over my bed and I absolutely love them!!! Happy DIY-ing everyone!

Two beauty products to steer clear from!!!

I have sensitive skin that can easily detect when something isn't suitable for me. I've also become a "human no-no product detector", because more often than not when a product fails on my skin, it's quite noticeable within 24 hours of use. Also, when a product fails for me, it seems to fail for a few others. I've passed down certain beauty products - lotions, creams, masks, makeup, etc. - to anyone who wanted them WITH the warning of my results. Within a few days I often hear back from them stating that the product(s) let them down as well. 

Now, I have a strict regime down when it comes to my face and back. For many years I suffered with severe cystic acne on my jawline and "back-ne". The pimples on my jawline would run so deep, I wouldn't be able to chew anything tougher than an a banana without having an intense pain. My "back-ne" would be just as painful, especially when a bra strap, t-shirt strap, or purse strap would put any type of pressure on a spot. It would feel as if I was being relentlessly stabbed with a very thick needle.

I changed my diet, increased my water intake, started birth control pills to help balance out my hormones (breastfeeding for 3+ years and no period for that long, kinda threw me outta whack), and found specific products that would agree with my skin. I've also made it a habit to change specific habits in my life. For example, I change my sheets every single week, I wear a clean pajama shirt to bed every night (I can't wear the same one twice. Once it's worn, in the wash it goes. My body not only sheds dead skin cells, but sweats when I sleep. TMI, but it's to better inform you., I wash my hair THEN wash my body in the shower (shampoo and conditioner can agitate my skin if I don't wash it off), I shower as soon as I'm done working out, I don't use harsh scrubs, and I change my towels every 3 washes. It may seem a little insane to some of you and you may have better luck with leniency regarding your skin, but mine is EXTREMELY temperamental. Like a kid coming down from a sugar high, right before bedtime, and right after you've said no more video games. That's right, I've seen YouTube temper-tantrums. YIKES.

For my birthday I got my usual yearly gift from Sephora. Normally I avoid all face washes/masks/lotions from there, as I already have my regimen down and I'm afraid of what could happen. This time I decided to change things up a bit. I had the choice between a lipstick/mascara and a face mask/face wash. A friend of mine had told me how AMAZING the "Soy Face Cleanser" and "Rose Face Mask" by Fresh, were. (Her birthday was April 1st, mine was April 9th, so she got the same gift I did.) After much deliberation I opted to test the amazing-ness for this blog. I was told that this particular gift would be given out throughout the prior months (A Sephora associate told me, don't kill the messenger if it isn't true.) so I wanted to give an honest review for fellow Sephora gift receivers. 

This is where I'd like to mention that I truly do pride myself on being positive. I've been through difficult situations and I've grown to realize that negative attitudes only make the situation at hand worse. It makes EVERYTHING worse. But I pride myself even more on honesty, and this is a product I have to be completely honest about. The reason it took me a while to put up this review, is because I wanted to thoroughly test both products with an open mind. 

While I absolutely wanted to love it and I wanted to truly give it the benefit of the doubt, it failed. It failed me BIG time. The day I got both Fresh products I hadn't worn any makeup and I hadn't washed my face with anything. So I decided to go ahead and test my newest gift before bed. I proceeded to wash my face with the "Soy Face Cleanser". The smell wasn't necessarily thee most attractive smell in the world, but not everything that smells good IS good. I will say that it didn't dry out my face, it didn't make it red directly after washing it, it didn't sting, so I was optimistic. I rinsed it off, patted my face dry, and dozed off. In the morning I noticed immense pressure in certain spots and I knew right then and there what it meant. Pimples. 

My face was SOOO not happy with me. I could almost hear the cursing. I use Oxy face wash to wash my face and seeing as how I was going out with my son, I didn't feel comfortable going outside as the Benzoyl Peroxide can cause your skin to be ultra sensitive to sunlight. Yes of course I could've used sunblock, but my goal for this project was to test the product out without any additional things put on my face. We ended up going to Costco, a short walk for my son to practice riding his bike, lunch, and to pick up a book at Target. When my son and I got home, the pressure in my face had progressed tremendously. Remember, 24 hours my face lets me know how it feels. 

Before face wash...

After face wash...

I had washed my face around 8pm the previous night, but around 6pm I noticed 4 huge, red, ANGRY bumps on my face. Of course one had to be hear my nose/eye so that area was sensitive to my glasses. Everything else was almost just as painful. I could already see a head (again, TMI) and when I put my finger next to it and applied a little pressure, pop goes the weasel. I can't even begin to tell you how that tiny relief felt. I didn't want to poke or prod them anymore, so I let them be and only rinsed my face with water that night. The next morning the acne was back and I decided to proceed with my normal routine. The experiment was over. Well, part one was. 

Within a week my skin finally cleared up, so instead of calling it truce I decided to try out the face mask. Seeing how the wash went, I wasn't surprised what happened next. Yup, you guessed it. My face went right back to angry mode. My face has finally healed from that one and it's safe to say I'm out of products to test. Thank god. 

I know that not every product works the same on every skin and I know that this product can be a miracle worker for some. While these particular Fresh claimed to be for all skin types, I have come to terms with the reality that my skin is not in their category definition of "all". I'll live. Plus what I use is WAY cheaper. If it was up to me, I'd go back in time and tell myself to just get the lipstick/mascara. All well. Ce la vie!

To be perfectly clear, I do NOT hate Sephora. I don't blame Sephora. I don't blame the brand "Fresh". I don't blame anyone. Like I said before, my skin in finicky and doesn't appreciate everything that it comes into contact with. 

Have you guys tried these products? Did they work for you?

This book will change your life!

Let's be realistic right now, life can be a complete and total ass. It can give you amazing victories, only to be followed by what seems to be never ending downfalls. When you have anxiety/depression, it can seem 1000 times worse. 

I've been personally dealing with the loss of someone very near and dear to my heart. Someone who, while I knew her time would come, I wasn't prepared to lose. I don't think you can ever truly be prepared. It's also hard when you are struggling with self identity issues, feeling hopeless, and filled with questions no one can answer. You can often feel as if no one will understand what you're going through or feeling. While I do have many outlets for my anxiety/depression, one in particular has been a huge help. Books. 

Recently I took a trip to my local Barnes and Nobles with a mission to find some sort of young adult book (my favorites) that told a story of tragic loss. Some sort of story that would show me how someone common could deal with being beaten down mentally, with more and more turmoil piling on. I asked a few BN associates, only to be redirected to "Gone Girl". Yes, she dealt with a huge amount of turmoil, but I've seen the movie. I need new, fresh, real, raw. I don't like self help books, because to me their too 'business like". I want similarities and to know the person has dealt with something like I have. Even if it is fiction. 

I browsed for a good hour, skimming through countless books searching for the right one for right now. I came across "How Many Letters Are In Goodbye?" by Yvonne Cassidy. After reading the summary, along with the first 2 pages, I was hooked. 

Rhea is a 17 year old girl from Ireland. Her mother died when she was 3 and she wants so desperately wants to know the truth. What happened to her mother. Her father became and alcoholic after Rhea looses her arm in a meat grinder, his meat grinder, at the age of 7. Being that she has no other family in Ireland, she's alone with her drunken father. The only connection to has to her mother is her Aunt Ruth who lives in the USA with her boyfriend Cooper and his daughter Laurie. 

Rhea's father dies in a car crash after driving drunk, forcing her to move to the US with Aunt Ruth. Rhea's already struggling with questions, anger, confusion, and frustration, but to top everything off she's also struggling with her identity and sexuality. Something that was always considered a big "no-no" in the small town of Ireland where she grew up. 

Laurie, a girl with a serious attitude problem and childish antics, is a year younger than Rhea. Her and Rhea end up hooking up, only to be found by Laurie's father Cooper. He punches Rhea in the face and blurts out that her mother didn't just die by drowning, she committed suicide. Laurie denies having sexual feelings for Rhea and claims that she only participated out of fear. Aunt Ruth doesn't believe Laurie, but doesn't necessarily stand up for Rhea either, leaving Rhea to feel alone once again. 

In an attempt to find out the truth of her mother's death and escape her cruel reality, Rhea runs away to the last place she knew her mother had lived before moving to Ireland. New York. 

There she makes friends, some good and some very toxic. She's homeless and only eating through the help of her male prostitute "friend". She counts her money, sleeps on benches, and is rescued by an AA group. After almost being found at a local soup kitchen, she's given the opportunity to make a little money at a camp for foster kids. She'll have food, money, and a place to stay. Hesitant, she goes with the help of her new found friend, and ex-alcoholic, Winnie. 

Her aunt ends up finding her, not to whisk her away as she's already turned 18 years old, but to apologize and try to make amends. Aunt Ruth's only communication to Rhea is through letters. Ruth ends up admitting that she knows more about Rhea's mom than she let on. She also has a secret. She kept the last 5 letters she every received from Rhea's mom. In an effort to re-connect with Rhea, Aunt Ruth sends the letters to Rhea for her to read the inner workings of her mother's mind before her demise. After reading the final letter of the 5 sent, Rhea is hit with the hard hitting truth and is given a letter her mother wrote directly to her. 

The truth affects Rhea harder than imagined, causing her to feel as if though she too has "failed". She attempts suicide in a similar fashion as her mother, but has a change of heart. Thankfully she's rescued physically, but mentally she's more broken than ever before. 

Through "therapy" with the camp counselor, a face to face with Aunt Ruth AND Laurie, a new love interest from camp, and some answers, Rhea goes on to accept the reality. She accepts that she is truly gay, her mother's death does not lay ground for her future, that she is worth more, and that she will be ok. 

This story touched my heart as I have personally dealt with anger, depression, identity issues, confusion, feeling alone, and turmoil. After reading this story, I've grown to have a better appreciation for the little things I haven't had to deal with. Although I've had bad times, I'm still alive. There is so much taken for granted that sometimes it takes a book like this to help you wake up and tell you "You aren't alone. You are going to make it. You aren't going to be lost forever." Yvonne Cassidy not only gave me real, raw, and new, but she gave me hope. This may be fictional, but the feelings you will experience are not. I have a new appreciation for the good AND bad. 

If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, read this book. You will gain a deeper understanding. Also remember, it's ok to ask for help. This book teaches you that as well. Rhea was stubborn and never wanted to admit that she needed help, as she thought it meant accepting defeat. In actuality it meant that she was stronger for asking. You are too.

An average day of eats for my toddler and me!

I swear I'm not a food blogger. I just eat...a lot. My son also enjoys devouring food that tastes impeccable. So why not share that along with everything else?

My son is pretty typical with his likes and dislikes concerning food. While he's not equipped with "average" toddler taste buds, he's semi-picky. For example, he likes salad just not on his burgers. He doesn't like tomatoes, but loves ketchup. He's all for carrots, but wont eat them steamed, yet he loves broccoli but will ONLY eat them steamed. To me they're simple requests, mostly because I've become accustomed to what his likes and dislikes are. Plus I'm somewhat the same. I enjoy bacon, but don't like it on anything. The 'Maple Bacon Donuts' from Great Maple were a first for me. (Read about them HERE.) 

Throughout my son's short years on this Earth, I've devised a perfect shopping list for his snacks, meals, and "emergency" foods. Snacks are obvious, during snack time in between meals. Meals, again obvious. Emergency foods, not so obvious. Sometimes when I decide to go out on a whim and whip up something new, it can be a hit or a miss for him. I implement his normal likes and dislikes, but I of course push certain new foods - or new ways to cook them - to see if maybe we could another dish to the "yes menu". Sometimes my son decides that my new recipe is repulsive because of one particular ingredient or another, which leads me to pull out the "emergency food". If he doesn't like my dish, I simply cook up something I have stored away for just these occasions. Now, I don't only use my "emergency food" for when he hates something, as it would go to waste. I simply add them into our meals during the end of the week if we haven't had any no-go's or I've just decided not to cook anything new. 

Emergency foods are: chicken nuggets, (The dinosaur ones from Costco. You can buy them from almost any grocery store in the frozen section. Everyone loves dinosaur nuggets.) Trader Joe's pizza, and a recent add, Dorito covered chicken tenders. (See the recipe HERE.)

The specific snacks that are constantly stocked in my fridge are: Trader Joe's granola cereal (We opted for the mango passion one this time. It was a hit.), whole wheat gold fish, Trader Joe's golden rounds crackers, Trader Joe's movie theater popcorn, Trader Joe's yogurt (just like Go-Gurts, but better), apples, Trader Joe's juice boxes, Trader Joe's to-go apple sauces, and Laughing Cow triangle cheese. My son absolutely loves to put his cheese on the crackers and apples. He also enjoys eating the granola cereal in three different ways: mixed with yogurt, as actual cereal, and of course plain. (I promise I'm not sponsored by Trader Joe's either. I just genuinely love them.)

I myself love the granola cereal with papaya, yogurt, chia seeds, and a dash of honey. It's often my breakfast of choice. My son's breakfast of choice is more often than not cereal of any kind. If he had it his way, he'd have cocoa pebbles everyday. Every other day he has to choose between yogurt/granola or eggs, to help balance things out. Plus on the weekends I make a special breakfast of his choosing. French toast, go out for donuts, or eggs on toast. 

Our dinner consists of some sort of salad (fruit or spinach), meat, and a vegetable. I'm telling you, not an average toddler eater. I think it's because when he was a baby, I would feed him homemade baby food using a Baby Bullet. Baby Bullet's freaking rock! I would simply prepare a meal (creamed spinach, meatballs, steak, potatoes, etc.), blend it up really well using water or a homemade sodium free gravy and boom! Homemade baby food. The Baby Bullet also comes with these cute little silicon ice trays, so you can freeze the extra food for later meals.

Today we had steak, spinach and arugala salad with a homemade dressing, and mashed potatoes. I cooked for almost 45 minutes, made countless dirty dishes, created a mess in the kitchen, only to be devoured in 10 minutes flat. Worth it. It was delicious as heck. 

Overall we tend to stick to a routine of foods. We do go out and try new things (as you can obviously tell from past blog posts), but when we are at home it's truly rare that we attempt a new recipe. Maybe for a special occasion, a rainy day, or a spur of the moment need for spontaneity. 

I truly recommend all these foods, as not only are they healthy and delicious, but they can be added to other meals for an even better option. Although my son does have a pallet that craves broccoli, I think you can use this as a "maybe this will work" grocery list. A friend of mine was having a hard time getting her son to eat carrots. When I told her about Trader Joe's to-go applesauce and how they had an "Apple/Carrot" option, she ran to the store and bought some. Her son loves them and now they are a must buy item for her. So hopefully this will help you guys too!

What are some of your kid friendly food favorites?

Anxiety Fear Challenge Week 2: Huge crowds...alone.

Groups of people. Inevitable communication with strangers. No silence. Avoiding collisions. Huge crowds are a huge anxiety of mine. I have claustrophobia as well, which of course does not help AT ALL. Being that I've made this personal challenge (I'll be honest, I'm already hating this, but I'm going to keep on because I know it's for the best), I decided to tackle this horrendous task. What better way than to go to the Earth Day Festival at Balboa Park in San Diego, on a Sunday, where over 60,000 people gather to celebrate....yay me.

The festival started at 10 am, but we got there at 8:30 am. Just because I have to deal with people, doesn't mean I have to tackle the huge job of finding parking by showing up on time. By getting there early, we got front row parking AND were able to scope out the vendors ahead of time. We packed some deliciousness (breakfast, lunch, and snacks), so we found a nice spot by the water to eat and watch vendors set up. I was also wrapping my head around the fact that I would soon be bombarded by people everywhere and I had absolutely no one - besides my son - to help me do my "grounding" (an anxiety technique I use when in public to avoid panic attacks). Going all in with this one.

The reason I prefer someone with me when dealing with a huge task such as crowds, is because I can feed off their non-anxious energy and feel stable when I need to sit down to practice "grounding". "Grounding" is when you look around, find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. It's a huge help to me and having someone there can keep me focused without blacking out. Yes, that's happened before, hence the "challenge".

After filling our bellies and preparing myself mentally with a pep-talk, we set out to walk down past the vendors to see what will be around. We came across this little upcycle boutique that uses random items (keys, stones, small magnifying glasses) to make jewelry. I was extremely tempted to purchase a magnifying glass necklace, but I felt $15 was a wee-bit too much for me. Further down, we saw an awesome upcycle type stand, where these girls made wallets, pouches, backpacks, and purses from Caprisun and Kool-Aid pouches. The Kool-Aid one's still smelled like cherry. Not a huge fan of cherry, but I can still appreciate a nifty idea. 

This is where I hit my first road block. By the time we got to where the Goodwill stand was, a few stands down, I started to see more and more people gathering around. I love thrifting and I wanted to check out the clothes, but I was trying to avoid the mini crowd surrounding it. I was already starting to breathe heavy, perspire, and shake. I immediately began "grounding". 5 things to see: the sky, a tent, cars, a stroller, a hot dog sign. 4 things I can touch: the stroller, my son's hand, my purse, the table next to me. 3 things I can hear: a parrot quaking, a child laughing, someone on the phone. 2 things I can smell: my lotion, the smell of grass. 1 thing I can taste: my coffee.

After successfully calming down and trying not to pay attention to those wondering why I was standing completely still on the sidewalk, I walked over to the Goodwill stand to purchase a t-shirt for my son.

A few moments had passed and I started talking to my son. Making normal conversation as we walked over to the arts and crafts area. The entire time I focused completely on my son. Kept him talking, crafting, explaining, playing I-Spy, and just staying busy. This experience wasn't just about me conquering an anxiety fear of mine, but also to give my son a fun filled day. 

Throughout the rest of the day I had two more episodes, but with the combination of my grounding technique and putting all the attention to my son, I realized I was going to be ok. The crowd gained momentum and the streets filled with people everywhere. Lines were forming, voices were everywhere, and there were hardly areas to stand without blocking someone. 

We saw a really cool tiny house and was able to do a walk through. We also watched the parade, participated in "nature play" by building a tent, and of course bought some amazing food. French fries with nacho cheese, pico de gallo, sour cream, avocados, and beans. 

When it came time to leave, I checked my clock and saw that we had spent a total of 
 and a half HOURS there! This was a record for me. The longest I normally stay in a crowded area is about 2 hours tops. This in itself was a huge triumph for me, but the fact that I only had a total of 3 episodes and no panic attacks was awesome. There were moments when I thought for sure I was going to have a meltdown, but I looked at my son and realized my energy would project to him. He didn't need his mother having an attack, even though sometimes we can't help it. It doesn't make us any less of a person/mom, if we have an attack. For me, I was able tor pep-talk myself and remember that this wasn't forever. This would end and whether it was a positive outcome or negative, solely depended on how I reacted.

I am proud to say this was a success, but I will be completely honest, I know there will be moments of defeat. This was incredibly hard for me and I did try to go to less crowded areas (they were still packed with people though). Just those small moments of having less than the worse, helped me. 

I gotta say, I'm happy this challenge is only once a week. Please excuse me while I curl up in a ball and play "hermit" for a little while. 

Why everyone should have Hodad's on their "Bucket List".

While I don't consider myself a professional eater (although I definitely would not mind that as a career move), I do know that I am a foodie. I've tried many different types of burgers and now hold high standards for what I think should be allowed to have the title "burger". More often than not I bring my uncle to join my son and I in our food adventures, as he too is a burger connoisseur if you will. Also he holds the same standards as I do which leads to a better experience overall. Who wants to deal with a "complaining Carl" while their eating. Not I!

During today's adventure, we were ultimately debating whether or not to try a local restaurant called RakiRaki, as they are the holders of the mind boggling "Ramen Burger". While that is high on my to-do list, when I was made aware that my uncle had yet to try to San Diego famous Hodad's burgers, I packed up my son and we made our way to one of the most relaxing burger joints you'll ever go to. 

Hodad's was first gifted to us in 1969 by the infamous "Boss Man"'s (RIP you wonderful man) parents. It's built it's empire and made a name for itself as the best burger in San Diego and ultimately expanded to now having a total of 3 locations, Ocean Beach (the original), Downtown, and inside Petco Park. So you can now enjoy a baseball game with an amazing burger filled with flavors you've never experienced. It's on many peoples "bucket list" and if you're debating on whether or not it should be on yours, let me tell you a little secret. It should be.

I immediately recommended my uncle try the number one burger (as told by many), the Double Bacon Cheeseburger, with a side of fries, and a Pepsi. In case you're thinking these burgers can be handled by dainty hands, you would be sorely mistaken. These meat and bun duos pack a mean punch with their condiments and veggies, giving you a messy and delicious burger, deserving of royalty riches. 

I stuck with my favorite the Single Cheeseburger, as I'm not a huge bacon burger lover (I have had it before and it's still absolutely amazing. TRUST ME!) I added a basket of onion rings and a Pepsi myself. My son opted for a grilled cheese sandwich and a lemonade. We also ordered thee most delicious malt ever created in the history or malts, in Vanilla. It's beyond decadent that I can't even begin to describe the massive chills your body will get after the first taste. 

Hodad's environment has that "hangout" vibe. The servers are respectful, quick, and represent the Hodad's name perfectly. With license plates covering the walls, stickers posted in any free area that's not already taken by accompanied posters and pictures, and of course the local beach vibe, you'll be sure to have a "California Homegrown" experience beyond your wildest dreams. The quantity and quality of meat far surpasses many high scale restaurants that I've personally tried and in my opinion, is an absolute steal. For two ginormous burgers, a grilled cheese, a kids lemonade, two Pepsi's, and a HUGE malt big enough to feed four, we paid $44. The taste is far more deserving a higher price - although I admire Hodad's greatly for not charging an arm and a leg, as I would not longer have either. That's right, I'd pay the high price for one of these bad boys! 

Now, I will say that Ocean Beach can be a bit packed and loud, but the majority of people who don't like the line or want to deal with noise, simply order to go (walk-in or over the phone), pick up their food, and proceed to walk 2 blocks to the beautiful beach. Parking can be as annoying as Black Friday, especially if you choose a weekend or during the Farmer's Market (Wednesday's), but it's worth it.

The Downtown location has it's own parking issues, but with meters and paid parking lots near by, you can easily avoid a long walk and just pay $4 to park close. Again, you can always order to go. I tend to choose this one, as it's not only a 5 minute drive from my house, but it also has the least amount of crowds. 

I haven't personally been to the Petco Park location, but I know regardless where you choose, you'll still be granted with that Hodad's guarantee. Love it or you're taste buds are broken. (That's not their guarantee, that's just me saying it.)

Hodad's should be on everyone's list, because this place gives you the best quality and biggest quantity. They don't try to scam you by sky-rocketing the prices - even though they totally could - and they aren't complete a**holes about the whole thing. You could easily feed two people with one burger and one order of fries/onion rings. The malt's, as I said before, could easily please 4 people. Mini tip: I bring Oreo's to dip into the malt, plus Sriracha mixed with ranch poured onto the onion rings or fries, will rock your mouth. You're welcome.

The fact that you can have a relaxing experience in a place that brings back the "backyard BBQ and family cookout" memories, with people who will treat you with respect and a smile, all while enjoying thee most delicious food of your life, is well worth being on anyone and everyone's bucket list. So if you come to San Diego (if you aren't, you should be now), be sure to eat at one of the Hodad's burger joints. You'll be kicking yourself sorry if you miss out on these prize winning burgers that pack a mean combination of flavor, juice, and hearty meat.

I went technology free for an entire weekend, here's what happened...

In a world, filled with darkness and desperation, imagine yourself walking in the night being followed by the sounds of fear, only to be constantly reminded that if you hadn't given up your phone, you'd be safe in a cuddly bed, warm, watching Netflix. You regret every decision leading up to this moment and just when you think things couldn't get any worse...you roll out of bed, because you were just having a nightmare.

On Friday I mentioned how I was going to challenge myself to go technology free for the entire weekend. At first I really didn't think much of it and I went to bed thinking this would be easy. I even thought up a bunch of ideas that my son and I could do tech free. I woke up Saturday raring to go with high hopes, but I was very wrong.

After I woke up groggy, I went to make myself a pot of cofffee and immediately grabbed my phone. In the midst of typing in my password to begin checking emails and social media, I saw in bright bold letters on my whiteboard "NO TECHNOLOGY!". Drat you constantly accurate DIY calendar. Why must you mock me so? I put my phone down and proceeded to make our breakfast phone free. A few moments later, I sat down on the couch preparing to watch "Good Mythical Morning", but was again reminded I couldn't. We opted to go for a walk to the local park. During our walk, I reached for my phone - which I left at home - 3 times and when we got to the park, I reached another 2. Throughout the day I grabbed or reached for my phone a total of 27 other times. Yes, I kept a notepad with me to tally it all up. At the end of the day I was upset at myself, because I couldn't go a few minutes without wanting to stare at some sort of meaningless screen. 

On Saturday while we were at the park, a few moments passed by while my son was playing on the jungle gym and I saw the first glimpse of what I was missing. He would make really silly faces during his "pretend time". I would normally grab my phone to take a picture, but I wouldn't actually soak in the moment right there. I would only snap it to reminisce later. That's when things started to take off in my mind. I wanted to really live in the "now" and instead of snapping pictures, I wanted to record them in my memory. Now, I did take a regular camera (not my phone) when we went out to a special event on Sunday, but that was only to take really cool photos. For example, my son held a parrot and it was adorable. Check back on Wednesday for an entire recap of our Sunday as it has something to do with my "Anxiety Fear Challenge". (See the prequel to the challenges HERE.) On Saturday I didn't whip out the real camera or my phone camera, which is why there aren't pictures of the food or park. I just took pictures today of what we did on Saturday. (Lego's, plants, etc.)

When we went back home, we showered and got to the good stuff. We busted out the Minecraft Lego's, built a little town, and re-enacted moments from his virtual world. We also did arts and crafts - where we built a "grocery store" for his little Shopkin's, had his characters go shopping, read some of his favorite books, learned a few new Spanish phrases, made a new garden with flowers and carrots, AND tried a few new recipes of my son's choice from one of our cookbooks. (My inner child flourished.) I couldn't believe how much I had learned just doing those simple things in one Saturday. I listened to his stories and saw this light inside of him that I hadn't noticed. The way his eyes sparkle when he tells a story and gets to a particular part that he thoroughly enjoyed. He speaks with such volume and details everything with a vocabulary I wasn't fully aware he had. I was able to ask questions and actually partake in the role play with my full attention. It was just as freeing as I had hoped. He had an increase of involvement with me, because he didn't pause while I was on the phone. I learned that my son is truly empathetic, kind, friendly, and generous, far beyond what I already knew. I learned that my son's real world, is much more important than the online world. By putting down the technology, we found some really cool things at the event, we found a $1 on the playground, I learned a deeper side to my son, we found out together that we really enjoy learning Spanish, and we had the chance to enjoy each other whole-heartedly. 

This entire experience has given me the opportunity to really sit back and empower myself with self awareness. I've grasped a better understanding of just how much I use technology and how much I don't need it. When today rolled around, I didn't wake up and run to my phone. I didn't check Facebook or wonder what was going on. To be frank, I didn't care. I didn't care what was happening with so and so on Instagram. I didn't care whether or not I had received an email or not. I didn't care, because I knew that my son was the only one who can make me deeply, truly happy. 

Now I won't be throwing caution to the wind and abandoning all technology to live in the wilderness completely cut off, but I do know that it will no longer be this huge "ball and chain" stuck to me. It was difficult (Again, check out my blog post on Wednesday) and I definitely reached for my phone more than I would've liked, but I expected it. I knew that I couldn't just quit without a challenge or two....or thirty. I wanted to check the weather, know what time it was, see the news, check on my friends, monitor Instagram. I really did. Now that I have the opportunity to, I don't have the need nearly as much. My life long challenge is to put the phone down and just listen, because sometimes being half available causes you to miss out on the most important key features of your life. Like I've always said, it's the little things.

Life isn't to be taken so darn seriously people. We are humans that need culture, diversity, humor, and just a good time. With our eyeballs attached to a text about how someone just watched a documentary about a guy who never ever bathes, how in the world to expect to see the spectacular show called "life" going on right in front of you? I guarantee if you keep your head up long enough, you'll see hysterical stuff happen right before your very eyes, along with sadness, conflict, and DRAMA! We all love watching drama, don't deny it. 

The tone of this post is serious/funny, because honestly I feel like this whole thing is seriously funny. We are walking into poles and getting hit by cars, because YouTube is too addicting. Try to just put it down an hour and see how many poles you DON'T hit. 

Hopefully this will inspire you to check out the world offline. Keep on rocking you beautiful people!