Throughout our lifetime, we've all suffered from heart break one way or another. Maybe a relationship has ended or a friendship has dissolved. Either way, having your heart broken is awesome. Obviously at the time, it surely doesn't feel like it's grand. Dealing with the emotional chaos can be truly agonizing, with physical pain ripping through what seems like your entire body, but trust me, you're going to be so glad you went through it.
I've dated a bit as a teenager and as an adult in my 20's, only to have it end abruptly. I've also had close friends, who I saw as family, disappear from my life. Having gone through all of that, I realize that I owe every single person who forced me to experience heart ache, a thank you. Here's why:
1. I never would've known who I was.
During my times of "despair", I learned the most important thing I could possibly learn. True forgiveness. I was so angry and hurt that I lashed out at everyone, I pushed people away for stupid reasons, I took out all my sorrow on those around me, until one day it hit me. I was angry at myself. I had let someone influence how I was living during the aftermath, even when they weren't an integral part of my life anymore. And that's when I forgave them and myself. I forgave them for the pain they caused, for the words they said, and for leaving me, which is when I finally felt free. Only then was I able to experience compassion, understanding, and love for myself. I was able to see that even though they weren't meant to be in my life, they still deserved to be happy, just as much as I deserved to be happy. I am a forgiving, careless, loving person, and I'm so glad I learned that.
2. I found out how to love.
After a relationship or friendship had ended, I would re-evaluate the time I spent with that person. I questioned what I did or said, and often felt like if I had only done something differently, they would still be in my life. Although that isn't true, seeing as how it takes two to tango, it did help me reflect on how little I showed people what their love meant to me. I never took into consideration that our time would end, and I would take for granted the little things. Now I'm able to better show my appreciation, so they don't think their actions are worthless, and I go out of my way to make them smile, because when you love or care about someone, as a friend or partner, you want them to know they mean something to you. That they have a warm spot in your heart. After becoming a mom, I've grown to be even more thankful of my heartache. I feel like now, I can truly appreciate every second of my child's life and better showcase my love for him.
3. I know my limits.
You simply can't begin to set out wants or needs, without trial and error. You can't begin to truly define what works for you and what doesn't, without having a few downfalls along the way. Many great successors can attest to this, and the same philosophy can be said about your personal limits. Maybe your partner likes to plan out every single day of their week, ahead of time. Maybe they have dinner at a particular place on Thursdays, or do a specific errand on Tuesdays. Maybe that's something you enjoyed, or maybe it's something you grew to absolutely despise. Maybe, you like being able to stay home on Thursdays, because you've had a shitty day at work, and really just want to indulge in Netflix and snuggle...with your blanket...and pizza. Going through breakups allow you to reminisce on the things you absolutely CAN NOT deal with in the next relationship/friendship. Deal breakers if you will.
So the next time your relationship ends or a friend shows their true colors, remember, it's ok to grieve, but in the end, it's only going to benefit your future relationships/friendships. You will be thankful that they left, because now you have room for the greatest love story in your life.
Was there anything you were especially grateful for when a relationship or friendship ended?
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